Making it through to the other side

The last night before surgery was a rough one...not for Isla, but for me. I was full of so many emotions...anxiety, fear, sadness, excitement, happiness. It was almost too overwhelming. I was anxious because of all the unknowns; was the surgeon going to do a good job? Was Isla going to handle anesthesia ok? Was I going to like her knew smile? I was sad because I had fallen so in love with who she was...that big wide smile just melted my heart and I couldn't imagine her being anymore beautiful than she already was. I was excited only because it was my last night dealing with the NAM. And I was happy that we were finally going to be able to put this stage behind us.

Arriving at the hospital only intensified all of the emotions I was feeling the previous  night. I told the nurse as we were handing Isla over that I felt like I was about to get on a really scary roller coaster...you know that feeling where your stomach is in your throat, you can almost taste your adrenaline, but there's a tinge of excitement and anticipation in there too. I wanted so badly to cry as I gave her to the nurse.

 The next few hours were horrible for me. All I could think about was my poor baby being cut open and then sewn together. I was sooo nervous that I wasn't going to be happy with the results, that it made me nauseous. But somehow I held it together...and this is why and how...

Isla's surgery date was on my dad's birthday, Feb 11th. It was originally supposed to be on the 19th, but through a strange set of events they bumped it up to that date. I really feel my dad had a part in that...almost to let me know that he was going to be watching over her and that everything was going to be ok. (For those of you who don't know...my dad past away 7-4-08). Knowing that, and with the overwhelming amount of prayers and support we received from all our friends and family, made me somehow get through those few hours with some peace. So again...thank you all that prayed for our family, that sent their positive energy for a successful surgery and every ones well wishes. Without all of that, I know I would have been a mess.

After a little over two hours of Isla being back in surgery, our pager went off. She was done!! The surgeon then spoke with us and told us everything went great, Isla is perfect and she was recovering. Now we had to wait another hour to see her...longest hour EVER!!

It was time...we get to see her! And that roller coaster feeling came over me again. As I walked into the recovery room, I saw our sweet baby lying there so peaceful with her perfect new little face. All my fears, anxiety and sadness left my body and was replaced with pure joy. The surgeon did an awesome job and I don't think it could have turned out any better. She is perfect!

They moved us up to our hospital room where Isla woke up for the first time since surgery. My heart was breaking because of all the pain she was in. I handed over a perfectly happy baby and they gave me back another perfect baby, just super unhappy, uncomfortable and in pain. This was probably the hardest part for me...I wanted to be able to take that pain away from her, but there was nothing I could do except make sure that nurses gave her her pain meds on time every time. I held her all night long, and slept maybe a total of two hours total.

Morning came and Isla woke up...this time with a smile! The nightmare was over and now we've successfully made it to the other side!

Isla is so strong. She is more tired than usual, but pretty much back to herself. She's managing her pain extremely well, back to eating regularly and smiling and talking every time she's awake. She's my hero.

In less than a week, she will be getting her stitches out. And then in about three weeks they will be taking out her nose stints. After that...Isla gets to just be a kid for a little while! No taping, no devices, no stitches...just a regular little adorable baby! I